When I see amazing work of designers who are not me, or even worse, seeing other designers succeed, it’s not easy to deal with. If those designers used to be my classmates, that makes avoiding the comparison even harder.
Because jealousy could get so ugly and destructive, my advice is always make sure you keep on smiling and choose to be happy for them, because that’s how strong people should act.
Not really. I was just B.Sing you for a minute. When I work my butt off trying to be ‘successful’ (not sure what that means yet) and do the best work I can while experience lots of struggles, Seeing other people having what I want to have, is not fun. I’m not smiling at all. I want to gouge their eyes out. Then I have really mean thoughts in my head.
I’m not proud of it at all. I’m quite ashamed, to be honest.
But lately, it came across my mind that half the burden of jealousy is not the jealousy itself, it is our shame of having it that prevents us from addressing it and dealing with it. Moreover, we can’t ignore the fact that a crucial part of what we do as creative people well, it’s about putting our work out there and have people responding to it. Our egos might be more sensitive than others.
I have decided that it’s time to address my jealousy and even use it to my own benefit to learn a few things about myself, oooh, and there’s a bonus, I might feel a sense of relief afterwards. Who knows, I might find myself REALLY smiling from the inside 🙂
Let׳s get some inner work done.
STEP 1- Eliminating shame. Coming out the jealousy closet.
Here is some really mean jealousy crap I’ve been telling myself lately while having some low moments, all courtesy of my dark side:
- Of course this video is viral and successful, it doesn׳t challenge the crowd, most people like stupid cat videos and toilet humor and don’t know how to appreciate deep meaningful concepts!
- Yeah it’s beautiful, but it’s not innovative at all, it has been done before, that person doesn’t really deserve all the credit for it!
- It doesn’t look like they spent too much time working on it.
- It’s ugly as f***k (Not really..)
- Everybody could do this work, I could do this work so easily! They didn’t work hard enough on it they don’t deserve any fame!
Yup. I know. Not too nice. But let’s face it, we all have our dark side, and it’s creeping out on us when we have our tough moments. And let me share a dirty little secret that wasn’t dirty nor secret once I had a real one on one talk with some freelancers who had a few more years of experience than me. When were trying to make it on our own, and our salary, success and what not relies on our ability to wake up in the morning and be pro-active every single day, yes, there will be pressure. There will be a lot of self doubt, and when you are just starting out probably sitting near your desk at home, all by yourself, your anxieties are the only thing that will keep your company. No one says that out loud. At least not on their facebook or instagram.
So I put it out there, I’m human, I get insecure and jealous sometimes. That’s perfectly normal and ok, but it still sucks! What can I do about it?
STEP 2- Find out what it’s really about
Yes, it’s about me and never about the other person. But the answer to what it’s really all about relies on what that person/post/whatever triggered in me.
We all have different issues, The only issues I could be an expert on are my own. Here are my thoughts on my earlier mentioned “triggers”
- “Crowd can’t appreciate this and that ..” – I’m actually saying – “Crowd can’t appreciate me”. But that video and the person who made it has nothing to do with me! So where did this come from? Myself. Let’s try this again – “I don’t appreciate me.” When I first wrote that to myself it was a bit shocking. Not in the best way. But at the same time, it also felt liberating because it all of sudden became very clear.
- “They didn’t work hard/good enough to deserve it” – Now it’s even clearer-
“I don’t feel like I work hard enough, or being good enough to deserve it”.
Those were messages from my dark side telling me, well, I’ve been criticizing myself too much lately. Us creators tend to do that.
I knew that my next step was trying to figure out how I can be nicer to myself. I knew it would take time and work, but one thing I noticed that changed immediately – The control over my self worth was now in my own hands, not that facebook post. All of a sudden, I’m not that angry of my classmates. After all, they are ok, and yeah, they worked hard for it. All of us do. And they definitely deserve it.
Editor’s Note: This week’s lovely gif was shot straight from my bathroom. I finally used my luxrious seaweed face mask. I took care of my pores and my blog at the same time 🙂
Post by Sivan Sa’ar
I’m a freelance Videographer and Motion designer. I have big dreams and I love to tell stories.
I would love to hear your thoughts! Leave me a comment or feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org